Tennis, time, and the choices we make

After a bad loss, I told my girlfriend with a hint of self-pity, "Why do I even play? I could be doing anything with my time!" 

What I said was true in a sense. I could be doing anything with my time, yet I choose to play tennis. And when I am not playing tennis, I am thinking about it.

Is this a smart use of my time, given we only have so much of it?

Well, it depends. First, you should look at all the other things I could do with my time. And that answer is infinite. I can be training to be an astronaut, studying medieval poetry, waiting in line at the hottest new club in New York City, or traveling the world. 

The "what if" is an imagination's paradise. Filled with the best versions of yourself, all working hand in hand. The best professional version of yourself is also a great parent and a world-class chess player. It's easy to imagine the possibilities because everything is possible when you only have to dream. 

But to do, you need to choose. 

Choosing a partner in life allows you to develop a deep relationship with a human being, and sharing life’s best and worst moments with someone is rewarding. Choosing a major in college allows you to go deep on a specific subject matter. Choosing a hobby will enable you to learn, progress, and engage with a community. 

But choosing not to choose at all is a fantasy of freedom. You think you have more freedom because, technically, the “what if” is infinite, but the other truth is that if the “what if” never becomes a reality, you have wasted a life. 

To keep the dream alive, some of us never choose anything, but in not choosing, we automatically kill the dream without trying. On the flip side, choosing means you will not do many other things, but that's okay because it's impossible to do everything. I will not be good at basketball or violin by focusing on tennis and writing.

If time is finite, which it is, then I think it’s important not to think of all the things you can be doing but instead to focus on the things you love and do them as much as possible without regrets. 

When you find true love, you eliminate choice, and choice can be paralyzing if you have too many options.

When I told my girlfriend, “Why do I even play?” I was suggesting my anger with time. 

I was mad that I lost, or rather angry that I was not progressing fast enough. In a way, I was asking why I couldn’t manipulate or expedite time because I was looking at life in terms of results instead of moments.

It's like in the movies where the hero is granted a wish by a genie, but something else is altered when they receive what they want. The hero wishes to be a millionaire, so the genie grants them this wish, but in the new reality, the hero has no legs because to get a million dollars, they won a lawsuit in which their legs were blown off in a construction malfunction.

So, with a clear head and a coffee, I can honestly say I am blessed to have lost that match. I am equally blessed to play tennis. I am right where I am supposed to be. If my wish was truly to be better at tennis, then I am wishing away my life because the only way to get better at tennis is to play consistently over time. 

And how much better do I want to be? How much time would that take? How much life would that eat away? Why wish away the moments? These are the good times right here.

So why do I play tennis if I could do anything else with my time? 

Because I love it.