My girlfriend is my tennis coach

My girlfriend is my tennis coach. Although this leads to some confrontation every once in a while, it's quite a unique experience because tennis pushes you to your mental limits, and going the distance with someone you love is a hell of a ride. And tennis is life. Not just metaphorically but literally, the lessons you learn on a tennis court are very much translatable to your everyday world. 

Lately, I have learned three themes from her. 

Practice with purpose: For a while, I played a lot of doubles, and funny enough, I hated doubles. I started playing tennis because I wanted to be the CEO of my own journey, and doubles adds another personality. Not to mention, the game itself is just much different than singles. Even still, I would get roped into random doubles matches, and then I would come home complaining about the lack of progress in my own game. 

One day, she finally said, "Why don't you just stop playing doubles?" 

It was a simple idea, sure, but I needed the court time. And what about my friends? They played doubles, so I had to play doubles, right? I needed to follow the crowd. 

Yet when I broke it down, I almost never had fun playing doubles, and most of my tennis frustration came from not feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress in. The problem was that the things I wanted to progress in were not going to be found on the court playing doubles and playing doubles ended up taking up all of my time. 

Finally, I stopped playing doubles and made a simple rule. I would take back control of my tennis journey and play less, focusing more on what mattered. Not only did I become happier playing tennis, but I also began to progress quickly.

Practice with purpose, and you will see results where they matter most to you. Once you understand what you want, focus only on what will directly improve your chances of getting to where you want to be.

Light up the court: We were scheduled to hit at the National Tennis Center in Flushing, and I entered the building like the Grinch enters Whoville during Christmas time. It wasn't personal. I was tired from a long day at work, but my girlfriend took it personally. She was unhappy with my low energy and let me know it. As a younger person, I would have taken this as fighting words and probably told her I was allowed to be tired. I would have ranted about work, life, and other nonsense, but her message made sense. 

You should be on a high no matter what when you're on the court. Living in New York City means court time is challenging during the winter and work is over. The only thing that matters now is the tennis ball. This is supposed to be what you love doing, so while you are doing it, you better be happy because if this doesn't make you happy, then what will?

Light up the court with joy like a child walking into a playground. Life is a mundane mess sometimes, but the tennis court is a place to escape and be free. The tennis court is my time, and I want to make it worthwhile whenever I am there.

Always be better: I am immature. I have mature tendencies, but at the core, I can be immature. One of my biggest flaws in life is that I take moments off. I say to myself, "I was great doing X, so I can blow off Y." But that isn't a great trait, especially in tennis, because a match doesn't care if you were great for five games. You will have to go out and win the sixth if you want to win the set.

She and I were practicing, and the vibe was average. My legs were a little fatigued, and my mind wasn't fully there, but the practice was not a disaster by all accounts. It was just simply not the best we had ever had. On a water break, she let me know her thoughts, and they were simple but profound. 

She said, "We only have 14 minutes left, so let's not waste them. Let's bring this up a level for the rest of the time here." 

In my mind, I was doing alright. We were out here, and I was moving, grooving, and chilling. But I wasn't really giving it my all. However, after the water break, I dug a little deeper, and for the remainder of our time on the court, the level of intensity increased significantly.

Not every day will be your day on or off the court, but you can always get about 10% better by improving your effort, attitude, and focus. If you are playing at a 75, you won't miraculously get to a 100, but you can get to an 85 by just buttoning up your mind and giving it your all. 

That extra ten percent can be what it takes to push through a close match or get you through a tough day at work. 

My girlfriend's thoughts on life and mental toughness always pleasantly surprise me. That's why I picked her as my coach. 

And partner in life :)